Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Blueberry Imbibements Really Can Be Manly; or, Anything is Possible

Possibility, reality... they are defined by each other, it seems. And yet, both are ever expanding. Are they not?

Now I ask you: is a drink really manly when it claims to be a martini, yet it is diluted with soft drinks and fizz? I say not. Even in this modern age, not. I am still wrestling with the concept of a vodka martini - what ever happened to just Dutch courage and dry vermouth?

But I must keep up with the times, and so I have decided to expand reality, if only slightly.

Oh by the way, please typo any pardons, I am testing several dangerous imbibements here. Maybe a half dozen more than several.

But this is important so pay attention.

Here are two manly variations on the martini. These are manly because I say so, and woe to any who argues the point. Remember my friends, it is not the drink that makes the man; it is the man who makes the drink. (Here I would insert a rugged wink if I had the technological finesse to do such a thing).

This making of drinks is a metaphysical endeavor, truly. Let us proceed.

The first! A Bluberry Simple:

You will feel like a simpleton if you drink too many of these. I think the blueberries make the vodka go to the brain. But I can not be sure in my current state.

It contains Vodka...

And note that the vodka can be any brand. Pour the vodka over ice in a man-sized whiskey tumbler...

This one was given to me as a gift of appreciation for buying much Scotch whisky. NOTE! There is no "e" in the word whisky; the "e" was added to distinguish new-age American whiskies. Ignore your spell-checker! Just as adding corn-syrupy beverages to fine whisky would be a mistake, so was adding an "e" to the word "whisky".

OH hell, I was supposed to be talking about vodka, wasn't I. Alright. I recommend pouring 3/4's of a glass, or maybe 4/5's, depending on the liver of the imbiber. Using my glass, pour 4 jiggers over ice.

Now you need blueberry juice. Note that "juice" and "cocktail" are not synonymous in grocery store lingo. The word "cocktail" is a synonym for "corn syrup" in the US, and should be avoided when making quality beverages. I do not know why we call it "cocktail" instead of "corn syrup;" I have been asking for years. True blueberry juice is a bit sour, truly. Mine looks like this:

Pour over the vodka, but leave just a little room.

Now, you could stop here, but that would be tragic in a way. You see, a manly drink should be shared with a beautiful lady. And that beautiful lady might or might not like dryish, sour drinks. For that matter, you might want to smooth the drink up a bit. You can admit that, can't you?

THAT is why you need raw, unrefined (need I say rugged?) cane sugar, just a tablespoon:

AND you should dissolve this cane sugar in about 4 tablespoons of hot water to make a simple syrup. Add this to your beverage.

Now you have a Blueberry Simple.

Using same proportions, you may make these in a shaker (I license them to you, reader, for eternal and free personal or commercial use, so long as you think of your friend Rab whilst enjoying one sip) to share with that beautiful someone.

Ah but we're not done. I must prove once and for all just how malleable a thing reality is. Easy enough in my state! And that brings us to...

The Blueberry Metro:

Oh yes I know, it is cliche to use the word "metro" to connote sophistication. In truth, I have leanings toward the simple things myself. But I cannot ignore this drink's lust for life. There are two variations:

The sweet:

Use the same proportions as the Blueberry Simple, and add a splash of Rosso. Yes, the Italian red vermouth. This will make a delightful and refreshing difference. And then there is...

The dry:

Wherein, the splash of Rosso replaces your simple syrup.

And there it is... two beverages, one with two variations, all manly because you say so, and yet they can be shared with anyone. Look at the beautiful difference we can make!

Never doubt that reality is bent to our will, friends; it is every day bent to the will of those around us, if not ourselves. Have a drink, dear friends. And some time between that first drink and the regaining of consciousness, toast with me on the malleable nature of reality.


  1. you have me thirsten' now !!
    I love Rosso but may have to hunt to find blueberry juice...
    Lisa xx

  2. Hmmm.... "the malleable nature of reality", I feel i could have many a conversations with thee...just for the debate!!!
    And the manly Blueberries-because you say so...

    No Chai to spill this morning..just orange juice...on my desk, all over my papers I just finished up...it is good to have friends that can make you laugh

  3. Never bring an alchemist to a party--Rab is the perfect example (heh).All of your guest will be merrily intoxicated; screaming about pyres and the quintessence--Absolutely brilliant Rab.

  4. It all looks and sounds very intriguing but I don't drink. Totally teetotal.

    CJ xx

  5. Those sound great. I'll have to try it. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Wow, that sounds good. I'll have to try that in December.
    Oh, yeah...I found your blog via Passionate Book Worm.

  7. Lisa - I don't know how common blueberry juice is in your parts, but I assure you it is worth a hunt. Also have aspirin on hand, in case things get out of hand!

    M'lady Wings - I am so sorry about your papers! I hope they were not of the acid-free archival sort, or the orange juice may have caused grievous harm. BUT I am glad I could provide a laugh.

    Mr. Darrow - I say, always bring an alchemist to a party! Is it really a party without at least one alchemist? Who would steer the conversation toward such exciting topics as Method of Loci, Socrates, Euclid, Newton? Thank you for the compliment my friend. I do hope we will find opportunity to mix transformative potions such as these one day soon. You have several ways to contact me; and I suspect we are not geographically remote, not at all.

    Crystal Jigsaw - In truth, the beautiful lady I share these with does not drink either. If you like, the Simple tastes little different without the vodka (that is part of it's danger!). But tea has its alchemical properties as well, and many an enlightened person has had it as a friend along the long road.

    Passionate Book Worm - I hope you will save a moment of reflection for an alchemist as you sip and study those dusty tomes. May it guide you toward new insights!

    Melissa - I am so glad to be found, welcome!

  8. Rab, do not worry, my papers survived just fine...the laugh however was truly needed, both last night and today..so thank you very much!

  9. Well! A dark ( drunk?) horse indeed! Fabby recipes, I'm game for a try.

    Lisa, I have Blueberry Juice in my fridge as we speak. P and N brand - Coles.

  10. M'lady Wings - The thanks go to you for your presence here. Thank you.

    Natalie - Marvelous! You will be pleased.

  11. Sounds wonderful... dare I ask? Can this be done with gin? I like a gin martini, very dry, with 2 olives.
    How much fun to read this! And in case I haven't mentioned it before your banner design is quite intriguing!

  12. Rab
    Please check out the recent post at Psyche Connections. I have left a much deserved bloggers award there for you!

  13. Lizzy - I am staring down a bottle of Hendrick's 88 proof gin (distilled and bottled in Scotland) and contemplating this. I suspect the gin may add a similar herbiness to the Rosso. How they will fare together I do not know ... this combination of flavors could get complicated!

    If the opportunity arises (ie: I finish a few projects of world-changing proportions first) I think I may try it by morning.

    But what will we call it? Gin is a Dutch invention, yet the gin I stock is made in Scotland. For that matter, some very important parts of me were made in Scotland (and thrown out for being Jacobites!). And the Rosso, if we add it, is Italian!

    How about Giroble? For Gin, Rosso, and blueberry? Alas I may be stuck. Perhaps inspiration will strike when I try this drink - or when you do. Let's see if it makes the grade, and then come up with a name, Lizzy.

  14. Linda - I am honored! I will be there momentarily.

  15. Since I'd probably lean towards the 4/5 of vodka, that means very little blueberry juice... I'm sure raw and unrefined (very manly) berries, perhaps from a blender, would do just the trick... of course being a lady I would use not such a manly glass! Sounds delicious! Will try by the weekend. Thanks, Rab!

  16. Erma - Yes, a blender! Why didn't I think of that. For extra ruggedness leave the stems on the berries... that ought to do it.

    Thanks for stopping in, and I hope you do enjoy your refreshment this weekend.

  17. A very interesting blog you have there..some of the old posts were intriguing. I mean is it fact or fiction..

  18. budh.aaah - Thank you for your comment. Here I give you truth as I know it and facts as I perceive them. In personal writing like this, there are many interpretations - for example, why did a certain person do something. I cannot guarantee these as objective truth because they exist, for us, in an intersubjective realm. What I can guarantee is that I will present facts in a responsible manner; that is to say, I will not use facts to fabricate lies. How I wish that even a tenth of all facts were used this way.

    To all - I tried the blueberry drink with gin. No. Do not. Just drink the gin and have some olives handy - that is what I wished I was doing. Afterward I found myself dreaming of a cocktail that included Listerine, if only it would make the aftertaste of blueberries and juniper go away.

    Have a lovely week my friends.

  19. Not trying to dead-post here but I had to...

    Thanks for sharing this Rab, quite frankly I laughed my ass off. Bravo for typing this while blitzed, that's an accomplishment.

    I'd get drunk with you any day. I share your disdain for the raping of fine liquor.

  20. T.J. - I am glad you enjoyed this. I believe we could have many a philosophical conversation whilst blitzed; and should fate draw that card one day, I shall welcome it.